yawn

it has been a while since i have spoken my thoughts...that is mainly because my computer died on me after 8 years RIP...i loved that computer...it held a lot secrets lolz....but yeah so then i started using my mom's computer and it was so slow it was driving me insane...like my songs on itunes would even lag...like wdf :|... so i finally went and bought myself a nice computer...omg i hate it that i bought it during exams time cause i'm so tempted to fiddle around with its features instead of studying...i have an exam on wed...my finance exam...which i really need to study for it...but fuck i just don't care to study for it...but i know i need to and i'm forcing myself to study...so how of that studying is going in my head i have no idea...but yeah..hmmm...i just can't wait to finish this semester..i'm so sick of it...hmmm what else...i got a cut at work on my finger and now its a bit swollen...what rotten luck...life can't get any better...anyhow...i guess i should get back to studying or maybe watch a movie...hmmm i feel guilty watching movies during exam time because that is a good hour and half or more that could of spent studying...thats i eat...so i can use that as an excuse to watch tv or a movie...cause clearly you can't study and eat...well at least i can't...i know i'm so horrible for find excuses not to study...hmmm

Complicated

I hang up the phone with my friend to do my exam...but instead i watched complicated...how did that happened i have no idea but it did...so the movie was an alright movie...i'm happy i didn't watch it in theaters although i wasn't going have...but anyways...its so sad in the movie that the main character the woman gets pushed over by her Ex-husband...i mean she knew deep down inside this was a mistake and it was pretty obvious but because her ex-husband was pushing it she kept falling into it...but i guess she wanted to experiment but my question is why experiment something that you already knew the answer too...and she fukked up something that was actually new and better...however luckily it worked out well at the end but it was kinda stupid...but i just hated the fact that the ex-husband cheats on her then gets married to the woman who he cheats with...only realize his mistake and come have an affair with his ex-wife...it was like he would never learn...and that he can have his way with anything...but i'm happy the ex-wife figure out it was best they were divorced then getting back together....she had a BEAUTIFUL house...like dear god i would LOVE and i mean thoroughly LOVE to have a home like that...it was that beautiful it was simply and it had everything I wanted....but yeah...there was a moment where she was lying in the backyard by the pool at night looking up at the moon...and fell asleep...and it was so quiet and peaceful...thats something that i would love to have one day...but yeah it was just worth the moment and scenery...

OMG OMG THIS MAN IS FUKKING HOTTTTTTTTT = SHAWN DESMAN talk about transformation DAMN HOMIE

Stressful 24 hrs

so when i was at work yesterday i was planning out my evening ...how i would go home do some homework...talk to my friends online and maybe watch a movie....so i come home to probably here one of the worse news ever, that my computer just died...just like that...i was so upset...i had a back up comp the one my mom has however i lost all my music and we all know how much i love my music and my pictures...i was so upset...and i always told myself that i should buy an external hard drive but i never got around to it because its expensive, with going to university i never have extra money to spend on this...however i was so excited that i got my pay cheque yesterday...and just recently i started saving...but then i went and spent 100 on my tattoo however there is totally no regret there...omg i love my tattoo...cant wait to get my next one lolz...anyhow this pay cheque i was just saving and my comp happens...i was upset and went to bed...i had a dream that i was getting my computer fixed and how they would be able to extract my information...i know thats really sad i told my friend and he just started laughing when i said i had a dream about this...its so sad anyways...this morning i was like you know lets pray to the 3 million gods out in this world for hinduism and unplugged my mom's comp and put mine in there...luckily my comp worked...i yelled at my mom to get ready fast so that we can go to best buy to buy an external drive...so i went to best buy spent about 135 on this external drive...and now i totally feel broke...but anyways i uploaded everything and now i can breathe again ....i love this comp though...i've been with it for about 8 years now...and believe it or not its so amazing with no lagging no waiting time when i'm downloading...its such an amazing computer...but i can totally feel it coming to its end...i feel so sad feel like i'm losing a close friend of mine...i know i'm totally weird...i'm one of those people who likes to give human feelings to objects...so yeah...man i have work in like an hour and i'm so lazy to go...however i'm making money so at the end of it all i guess its all good...

overwhelmed

OMG...there is always one thing everyday that makes your day good or happy...and today it was me talking to my friend who i haven't talked in ages....i'm totally excited that i can't stop smiling...wow she made my day...i can't wait to catch up with her...

OVER

I know way too many people here right now
That I didn’t know last year, who the fuck are y’all?
I swear it feels like the last few nights
We been everywhere and back
But I just can’t remember it all

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over…..


Bottles on me, long as someone drink it
Never drop the ball, fuck are y’all thinkin’?
Makin’ sure the Young Money ship is never sinkin’
‘Bout to set it off, set it off, Jada Pinkett
I shouldn’t’ve drove, tell me how I’m gettin’ home
You too fine to be layin’ down in bed alone
I could teach you how to speak my language, Rosetta Stone
I swear this life is like the sweetest thing I’ve ever known
‘Bout to go Thriller Mike Jackson on these niggas
All I need’s a fucking red jacket with some zippers
Super good smiddoke, a package of the swishers
I did it overnight, it couldn’t happen any quicker
Y’all know them? Well, fuck it, me either
But point the biggest skeptic out, I’ll make him a believer
It wouldn’t be the first time I done it, throwin’ hundreds
When I should be throwin’ ones, bitch, I run it (Ah)

I know way too many people here right now
That I didn’t know last year, who the fuck are y’all?
I swear it feels like the last few nights
We been everywhere and back
But I just can’t remember it all

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over

One thing ’bout music, when it hits you feel no pain
And I swear I got that shit that make these bitches go insane
So they tell me that they love me, I know better than that, it’s just game
It’s just what comes with the fame, and I’m ready for that, I’m just sayin’
But I really can’t complain, everything is kosher
Two thumbs up, Ebert and Roeper
I really can’t see the end getting any closer
But I prolly still be the man when everything is over
So I’m riding through the city with my high beams on
Can you see me? Can you see me? Get your Visine on
Y’all just do not fit the picture, turn your widescreen on
If you thinkin’ I’ma quit before I die, dream on
Man, they treat me like a legend, am I really this cold?
I’m really too young to be feelin’ this old
It’s about time you admit it, who you kiddin’, man?
Man, nobody’s never done it like I did it (Ugh)

I know way too many people here right now
That I didn’t know last year, who the fuck are y’all?
I swear it feels like the last few nights
We been everywhere and back
But I just can’t remember it all

What am I doin’? What am I doin’?
Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over

Yeah, that’s right, I’m doin’ me
I’m doin me
I’m livin’ life right now, mayne

And this what I’ma do ’til it’s over
‘Til it’s over
But it’s far from over

-Drake-

Over

wow i was confused this week..been going through a lot of emotions...i'm not really a fan of having mixed emotions its just annoying...lolz because you just get so annoyed by it not knowing what you really want and how to actually separate them...but anyways without getting into a lot of the boring stuff...through that time music was my bestfriend...i can always go to music to help me cope with my options...its weird because like i'll be listening to all these random songs and like an Epiphany there would be one song that would help me through the situation i'm going through...regardless of what emotion it is...and the song i'm obsessed with right now is Over - drake...i'm starting to become a fan of his...i like his songs and his voice...i have a weird feeling that there is technology involved in it...but its nice and it suits him..so its all good...however the song over made me realized life is as simple as it gets...and that it is all about you and how you live life ...and that people come and go...at the end of it all its you and how you live your life...and yeah reading through the lyrics of this song it may be hard to see how i got that..well not really i just connected with the chorus of the song...which just got me thinking in dept of what my situation was...i realized that i shouldn't and no need to stress about things that you can just push it over...or just end it...because at the end of it all its you living your life...i ain't saying that you don't want the companionship in your life...friends, family, your love of your life...etc. but at then end of the day it really is all about you...you always fight for what you want...regardless of what relationship that may be with...its all about making yourself happy...and yeah some people have better skills at giving in and making others happy but those people are those ones that are just gifted in doing that...you can't find alot of those people any more...because everyone is just fighting to make their life as pleasant as possible...and people who come and stick around you that are knew comers usually always have some kind of reason to it...something that they can use you for...before they find another one person to fulfill their needs that they didn't get filled by you...and i realized that a little late in my life but its okay at least i realized it...i mean i have three good close friends...like they are my sisters.. aside from them i have two more close friend that i just recently got close with...but everyone else that recently came into my life are there or was there for their own purpose and its sad because its when they leave, that you realized that you got played for the fool...or you got used...you realized that you were just someone they got their shit done with...but i lately started picking up these people who come into my life and just use me for whatever reason it may be and walk out...i ain't saying this in sexual aspect more of just random things...because it ain't always about the sexual aspect that you get used by...there are plenty of other things to get used by as well...but yeah anyways...its funny how this one song got me thinking this beyond and above and i know everyone could listen to that song and you can interpret it in many ways...and you probably think that i got the meaning of the song rong to...but thats the best part about music you can take one song and get many different meanings from it...music really is my drug...it really is my escape from reality...so i was watching this tv show from my background...and the lead actress in the show pointed one thing that hit me hard ... she said "a problem is a problem only when you hide it...or try to run from it...a problem is not a problem when you face it...up front and not run from it...and how many women tend to run away from problems and make the situation worse and when it involves a man... by a women running away we give more and more power to the men" and i took a double take on that...because people always say that don't run away from your problems...but there was really never a good reason to why you shouldn't...like its always like don't run away from your problems just always good to face it...but y:S you know...but when she pointed it out like that...i was like thats so true...women alway make stupid moves by running away from problems when they get into a fight with their bf, husband or any sort of men in their life...they apologize immediately or we walk away from them...or hurt ourself physically or even go as extreme as suicide...and women doing that always make men so much more superior because in their thick head they like look at this women and be like look at what she did...because she was intimidated by me and they gloat about it when women stand up for their problems and face it head on...its so easy to overpower men...we are ten times stronger then men...maybe not physically but definitely mentally...its so amazing how much women do and still be sober...unlike men who always seem to find a way to use some kind of way to release their stress...drugs, alcohol, sex, something...i ain't saying that women don't do that...but we women do much more and still are sober then most men in this world...but after she said that it made me realized that i should really face problems head on and not really hide from it...push it aside...i have a tendency of pushing it aside...i'm not much of a hider but i just rather put it off...and i guess that is not a really good thing...yeah making a new year resolution is a bit late now...but i do want to make that one of it...to face problems head on rather then push it aside...if you keep your head held up high...no M**** F***** can come near you...you become UNTOUCHABLE...

ROCK BOTTOM

A-yo!
This song is dedicated to all the happy people
All the happy people who have real nice lives
And who have no idea whats it like to be broke as fuck

[Verse One:]
I feel like I'm walking a tight rope, without a circus net
I'm popping percocets, I'm a nervous wreck
I deserve respect; but I work a sweat for this worthless check
Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt
Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged
Full of venom and rage
Especially when I'm engaged
And my daughter's down to her last diaper
That's got my ass hyper
I pray that god answers, maybe I'll ask nicer
Watching ballers while they flossing in their pathfinders
These overnight stars becoming autograph signers
We all long to blow up and leave the past behind us
Along with the small fry's and average half pinters
While player haters turn bitch like they have vaginas
Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us
Money will brainwash you and leave your ass mindless
Snakes slither in the grass spineless

[Chorus (x2):]
That's Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's Rock Bottom
When you want something bad enough to steal
That's Rock Bottom
When you feel you have had it up to here
Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear

[Verse Two:]
My life is full of empty promises
And broken dreams
I'm hoping things will look up
But there ain't no job openings
I feel discouraged hungry and malnourished
Living in this house with no furnace, unfurnished
And I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay
And I'm tired of being hired and fired the same day
But fuck it, if you know the rules to the game play
Cause when we die we know were all going the same way
It's cool to be player, but it sucks to be the fan
When all you need is bucks to be the man
Plus a luxury sedan
Too comfortable and roomy in a six
They threw me in the mix
With all these gloomy lunatics
Walk around depressed
And smoke a pound of ses a day
And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today
My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play
Live half my life and throw the rest away

[Chorus]

There's people that love me and people that hate me
But it's the evil that made me this backstabbing, deceitful, and shady
I want the money, the women, the fortune, and the fame
That Means I'll end up burning in hell scorching in flames
That means I'm stealing your checkbook and forging your name
Lifetime bliss for eternal torture and pain
Right now I feel like just hit the rock bottom
I got problems now everybody on my blocks got 'em
I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em
Holding two glocks, I hope your doors got new locks on 'em
My daughter's feet ain't got no shoes or sock's on 'em
And them rings you wearing look like they got a few rocks on 'em
And while you flaunting them I could be taking them to shops to pawn them
I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em?
Cause I never went gold of one song
I'm running up on someone's lawns with guns drawn

[Chorus]

~Eminem~

hmmmm

life definitely a puzzle that is so hard to find the pieces to fit together...sometimes you wonder how your so close to putting the piece together only to find out that it isn't the right piece...its frustrating and it gets annoying...oh well thats all the beauty, because now your on a journey to finding the piece...which is fun and it can be a bumpy ride but at the end its nice to find that piece...i feel like i'm just talking alot of crap but i think i make sense in my head i think thats really what matters...work actually went by well not as bad as i excepted...what she thought of the day i don't know but i thought it was fine...im in a crapy mood right now...i wish i can go on a long walk outside right now....its rainy and its like the perfect mood...i would just really love to walk in the rain...and just wash away this crapy mood...i took a nap after work today and i'm in a crapy mood right now i don't think i'm going to bed today argh and i have work tomorrow early morning too...great..anyways i'm just going to go read something ....

What a relaxing day

Today was a really nice day in many aspect...i started of the day at my friend's house for lunch. It was good Friday and my friend was having lunch and she and her family invited me so i went over there. We finished up our project and the ppt for that is amazing hopefully we do good on it...and after a good and tummy filled lunch i went home...to a nice small nap and went on a walk with my mom which was really nice because it was such a beautiful weather that you just had to enjoy it...and i love the morning time or the night time of the day...i wanted to go later on a walk but my mom wanted to go earlier so i just went...man i love walking at night...i find this sense of peace that i can't get any other time of the day...i usually don't really take late night walks just because my parents are very overprotected of me...but i know when i'm off on my own that would become a habit of mine...looking at the stars and looking at how quiet the city becomes as another end to the day has arrived...man even talking about it makes me happy lolz...i guess in that sense i can't wait for summer just so that i can sit outside and just wonder about life while looking at the stars...oh boy but then you got the stupid bugs and i think thats probably the only downside but life isn't all about getting everything perfect so i guess i can make due with that lolz...but yeah after the walk i watched CSI...i usually don't want CSI las vegas one cuz i'm a miami fan but i decided to watch it this one because i was bored... wow the one i decide to watch is like the one thats wacked up lolz...basically this eps...was about panty sniffer...men actually buy panties that women wear and get this feel of it...this erection of it...like they get these women to wear these undies and then air tight it and the first sniff suppose to be like a high of some sort...like omg there really isn't a limit to the fetishes this world offers like how disturbing is that...but yeah...it was just so odd but another thing i learned is that smell is more powerful then anything because its the smell that actually gets us attracted to your mate, and its our smell that triggers our memories...i can see the smell triggering our smell because it happened to me before where i smell something and i would be like this reminds me of something u know...but i never knew that smell can get us attracted to our mate, there was actual science behind that but i'm not a science person so i can't really justify how that works but it works...we are very similar to animals in more ways then one and we really don't see it as that...we look at animals like there so different and that we are better then them...but at the end of the day we are exactly like them the only difference is that we talk and they don't other then that we are very much the same way...but yeah...and after all this i ate dinner and watched tv with my family...which we hardly do with our busy lives so i was pretty happy to a nice and relaxing day...and kinda sad that the day ended and now i have work tomorrow and im not really looking forward for tomorrow because my manager is off and i have to work with my assistant manager so god knows what kind of trouble thats going to cause...but i really want no trouble i just want to work and do my thing and go home just can't wait for the 8 hours tomorrow to finish...anyhow i better get off to bed gotta wake up early for my wonderful work lolz....

So Tired

oh man for the past three days i have been working on this group project for school. It was a big project so it took a lot out of me...i feel so drained...i should be in bed right now but i just finished the ppt for it because we have our presentation next week...working in group projects are fine but when you have to deal with certain members of the group it can get pretty frustrating...i mean like shit...some people think so irrelevantly to the project that...your just like WDF!...really dude really thats the best you can come up with...but yeah oh well i felt bad that i was rude to this certain group member but that idea was just not acceptable towards the project that we as a group were doing...i think i did a good job on my part...the ppt turned out really nice...so i'm kinda excited and if everything else goes as plan i think we scored ourself a great mark...i need this mark seeing that i screwed up my test marks...argh some tests you just can't seem to study for it...damn...i really shouldn't be thinking like that but fuck...anyways there were alot more i wanted to vent out about but i totally forgot and i'm beat....gonna hit the bed....