Running

So, i had a nice week away...i went to Darien Lake in states...with my friend and her family...did alot of shopping...and it was good times...now i come and i'm all stressed and confused...the day i come back i have a huge talk with that guy...this guy goes all insane on me...well i see it that way...because it wasn't something i was expecting...he comes out of no where and wants to commit...and goes off...i'm thrilled that he wants to...cause deep inside i guess i always wanted him to bring it up...however now that it has arrived...i'm running the opposite direction...and i can physically see that happening...i just want to ignore that conversation...i don't want that conversation to occur...no matter what people say...i just can't help but feel like i'm getting myself into a situation where i'm getting caged...and i know that truly isn't the situation...but i just help but think of the future...and realize how much i need to change...to compromise with this person...just because we are in a relationship now...even now...he is talking about commitment god knows what he really means...i mean why cant he just come out and say what he wants...that he wants a relationship....why does he have to beat around the bushes...but i guess i ain't helping the situation either...because i'm not helping him with coming out...because i guess i just don't want to hear just yet...i know i need to see him soon...see how things go from there...but i'm scared...what if i don't get the same feeling i get on msn in person...then i'll be disappointment...and i guess i just don't want to face that kind of disappointment...i gone through much disappointment in my life...and i just don't want to face another...when i finally got to a position where i can carry myself out...and dodge those unnecessary disappointment....but i know he makes me smile...but i just can't seem myself doing it...but i know i need to figure out something because it isn't fair for him to really linger...because if he does like me like i think he does...it ain't fair to him for me to play with his feelings...i mean i can see this guy trying...but i guess it all comes down to trust...i still feel like everything is a false...i feel he is just going to pop out of no where and be like...damn i can't believe you fell for it...i guess thats what i'm really afraid up...because if i completely open up and let down my guard and then he just pulls something fukked up like that...i'll be so lost in life for a while...because it would be to much for me to bare and i know that....i need to figure out a solution....asap!

Everything i'm feeling!

Ain't it funny - J.Lo

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be
But there are facts in our lives
We can never change
Just tell me that you understand and you feel the same
This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives
Each one with you right by my side
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart

Sometimes I think that a true love can never be
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain
And I don't think that I could face it all again
I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about

A deeper love I've found in you
And I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made
And now I feel that I don't have to be afraid

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart

I locked away my heart
But you just set it free
Emotions I felt
Held me back from what my life should be
I pushed you far away
And yet you stayed with me
I guess this means
That you and me were meant to be

Tide

Last night i had a very overwhelming dream...for some reason i'm a type of person who can wake myself up from a dream...i literally watch my dream...although i'm in the dream as well...something along the line of lucid dreams i guess...but yeah...last night i was at this cottage...and when i look over this cliff i can see a body of water...a lake...ocean i don't know...but yeah first time i looked over i just say waves and i just admired it...then i look the second time and the current picks up and this time the wave slightly hits me...and i'm like wdf i'm so up how is that possible...and next thing i know i look again...and there is a huge wave that is coming right over my head...caving me in...like i was in the hollow space of a wave...next thing i know it crashes right over my head...and i'm struggling to get myself out of the water...once i reach the surface...everything is back to normal and it happens again...after it crashed i woke up...it was so fukked up...as always if something distinctively appears in my dream i google it and find the dream interpretation of it...and this is what i got:
Tidal Wave

To see a tidal wave in your dream, represents an overwhelming emotional issue that demands your attention. You may have been keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up inside for too long. On a positive note, the tidal wave symbolizes the clearing away of old habits. If you are carried away by the tidal wave, then it means that you are ready to make a brand new start in a new place.

This is pretty fukked up...because with this guy of mine...i haven't talked to him for about five days...i'm online today after these days...and because i was upset with this guy...cause of the last conversation...and i had a lot of other stuff on my mind...i can actually see the truth behind this dream...pretty fukked up...or i'm just making connection with the definition...because it sounds someone realistic to make a connection with...but yeah...hmmm then i had another dream...where i stole something...and my partner and me are running in the dark...and i'm getting trapped by the outside people who are coming to catch me...in my dream i was so scared...like i actually felt my heart race...that has never happened before to me...and as stupid as i am...i'm asking myself if i should wake up or not...and i tell myself that i want to know how the story ends...and i continue it :S...but i got distracted by something else that i couldn't find the ending to that story...but i swear its pretty fukked up...when it comes to dreams and me....but yeah....

Citizen Cope - Let The Drummer kick That

"Let The Drummer Kick"

Let the drummer kick
Let the drummer kick that
[repeat]

Relations
Creation
Incarceration
Determination
Equation
Humiliation
Reincarnation
Situation
Elation
Identification
Retaliation
Education
Inspiration
No substitution
Solution
Conclusion

Let the drummer kick
Let the drummer kick that
[repeat]

Relations (Say Apollo had to break 'em)
Creation (It's a gift, a blessing)
Incarceration (What keeps you down)
Determination (What gets you out)
Equation (When they said you could make it)
Humiliation (What you feel when they say it)
Reincarnation (Say N-A-V)
Situation (Why we've got to sing)
Elation (So many in need)
Identification (Gives you the right to shoot)
Retaliation (What would it do)
Education (Gives you the right to do)
Inspiration (What pulls you through)
No substitution (Try to substitute)
Non-inclusion (Just got to bust through)
Drug infusion (For the chosen few)
Mass confusion (When they say that they died for you)
Delusion (Say that the dreams don't come true)
Solution (It can take a hold of you)
Conclusion
Inspiration (Is what pulls you through)

Let the drummer kick (Inspiration)
Let the drummer kick that (Inspiration)
[repeat]

You don't even have to wait
You don't even have to wait

Let the drummer kick
Let the drummer kick that

this is all i gotta say

All I Have - J.Lo

Love is life
And life is living
Its very special

Jlo:oooh
Ll cool j: baby don’t go
Baby don’t go
Jlo: yeahhh
Ll cool j: baby don’t go
Baby don’t go
Jlo: yeahhh
Ll cool j: baby don’t go
Baby don’t go
Jlo: yeah yeah

Its such a shame but I’m leaving
Cant take the way ur mistreating me
And it’s crazy but oh baby
It don’t matta whatever don’t phase me

Ll cool j: I don’t believe u wanna leave like this
I don’t believe I jus had my last real kiss
I do believe we’ll laugh and reminise
Wait a minute don’t bounce baby
Lets talk about this

Jlo: well I’m bouncing and I’m out son
I gotta leave you alone

Cuz I’m good
Holding down my spot
And I’m good
Reppin the girls on the block
And I’m good
I got this thing on line
So without me you’ll be fine, right?

All my pride is all I have
Ll cool j: pride is what u had, baby girl I’m what’s u have
Jlo: you’ll be needing me but too bad
Ll cool j: be easy, don’t make decisions when ur mad
Jlo: the path u chose to run alone
Ll cool j: I kno ur independent u can make it on ur own
Jlo: here with me u have a home
Ll cool j: time is of the essence, why spend it alone?

Jlo: the nights I’ve waited up for you, promises you made about
Coming through, so much time u wasted, thats why I had to replace u

Ll cool j: it makes a cat nervous the thought of settling down,
Especially with me I was creeping all over town. I thot my tender
Touch could lock ya down, I knew I had you as cocky as that sounds
The way u used to giggle right before I put it down, it’s better when ur
Angry come here I’ll prove it now (come here)

Jlo: stop playing, u gaming, I got to leave u alone

Cuz I’m good
Holding down my spot
And I’m good
Reppin the girls on the block
And I’m good
I got this thing on line
So without me you’ll be fine, right?

All my pride is all I have
Ll cool j: pride is what u had, baby girl I’m what’s u have
Jlo: you’ll be needing me but too bad
Ll cool j: be easy, don’t make decisions when ur mad
Jlo: the path u chose to run alone
Ll cool j: I kno ur independent u can make it on ur own
Jlo: here with me u have a home
Ll cool j: time is of the essence, why spend it alone?

People make mistakes, to make up, to break up, to wake up
Cold and lonely, and chill baby u kno me, u love me, I’m like ur homie,
Insteada beefing come hold me, I promise I’m not a phony, don’t bounce
Baby, consol me, come here

Jlo: nothin u can say to me that can change my mind, I gotta let u go
Now, nothin will ever be the same, so just go on ur way, go ahead and do
Ur thing now, and theres no more to explain to me ya kno, I know ya game
Im not feelin’ what you do(and I’m good) so I’m bouncing and
Im annoucing (I’m good) I gotta leave u alone yeah yeah

All my pride is all I have
Ll cool j: pride is what u had, baby girl I’m what’s u have
Jlo: you’ll be needing me but too bad
Ll cool j: be easy, don’t make decisions when ur mad
Jlo: the path u chose to run alone
Ll cool j: I kno ur independent u can make it on ur own
Jlo: here with me u have a home
Ll cool j: time is of the essence, why spend it alone?

(repeat)

(I promise u, I’m sad)