Running

So, i had a nice week away...i went to Darien Lake in states...with my friend and her family...did alot of shopping...and it was good times...now i come and i'm all stressed and confused...the day i come back i have a huge talk with that guy...this guy goes all insane on me...well i see it that way...because it wasn't something i was expecting...he comes out of no where and wants to commit...and goes off...i'm thrilled that he wants to...cause deep inside i guess i always wanted him to bring it up...however now that it has arrived...i'm running the opposite direction...and i can physically see that happening...i just want to ignore that conversation...i don't want that conversation to occur...no matter what people say...i just can't help but feel like i'm getting myself into a situation where i'm getting caged...and i know that truly isn't the situation...but i just help but think of the future...and realize how much i need to change...to compromise with this person...just because we are in a relationship now...even now...he is talking about commitment god knows what he really means...i mean why cant he just come out and say what he wants...that he wants a relationship....why does he have to beat around the bushes...but i guess i ain't helping the situation either...because i'm not helping him with coming out...because i guess i just don't want to hear just yet...i know i need to see him soon...see how things go from there...but i'm scared...what if i don't get the same feeling i get on msn in person...then i'll be disappointment...and i guess i just don't want to face that kind of disappointment...i gone through much disappointment in my life...and i just don't want to face another...when i finally got to a position where i can carry myself out...and dodge those unnecessary disappointment....but i know he makes me smile...but i just can't seem myself doing it...but i know i need to figure out something because it isn't fair for him to really linger...because if he does like me like i think he does...it ain't fair to him for me to play with his feelings...i mean i can see this guy trying...but i guess it all comes down to trust...i still feel like everything is a false...i feel he is just going to pop out of no where and be like...damn i can't believe you fell for it...i guess thats what i'm really afraid up...because if i completely open up and let down my guard and then he just pulls something fukked up like that...i'll be so lost in life for a while...because it would be to much for me to bare and i know that....i need to figure out a solution....asap!