Confidence?

Its going to be about a month give or take from the last time i talked to him. I don't know if it bothers me that he hasn't contacted me, or if the fact that i can live without hearing from him in any form. hmmm...see now that is a question that i can't seem to put my finger on...but i guess this is life, and i really that some where in the corner of his mind he realizes that he missed a good person in his life....i ain't boasting about myself or anything but i know i could of done justice to his life...and it honestly does suck for him....damn i feel so cocky saying this but hey i can't help but not say it...and regardless to say i ain't regretting what i said so i guess if saying that makes cocky i am cocky...oh boy...it was funny a few days ago at work two my co-workers and i were just talking about boyfriends and how we should get one and stuff there much older then me but yeah...and some how the topic of confidence came into the conversation...and i was telling them how i have low self esteem when it comes to my looks and they were shocked...mind you i ain't no supermodel here...i'm just an average girl...and i'm being dead honest here...and they were like that ain't true...why do you feel that way and i was like i don't know i just do...and they were saying how confidence i present myself...one of them said how when she started working here for the first time..out of everyone she felt i was the most confident and comfortable i was in my skin...and i was like hmmm....it was just so weird...and this was the first time i ever heard that from someone...and i was like oh...lolz...she like your so independent and everything i was like i know i'm independent but when it comes to look my self esteem is pretty low...and the other one was like how at the Christmas party when i walked by in heels she thought how confident i walked by and stuff...i guess hearing from a different person felt good..just to know that i present myself as that...but i guess no matter what anyone says i'm always going to feel that way...just because i felt like that all my life...i don't think i'll just be that feeling just go...i remember in december my friends and i were getting ready to go to the club and i got ready...and i kept telling my friend how hot i looked...and she kept saying how cocky i was sounding cause i kept saying that throughout the night till the club...but deep inside i only knew how much i was just it...how mere words it was coming out of my mouth...and how much i didn't mean each of those words...its pretty sad...how i still feel that way...but i guess i got the confidence i need in the department of independency...and at the end i guess thats what really counts!