Finally

so finally i started reading novel's again...i ordered three books from chapters for $50 :|...but i love brand new books...the fresh scent of the papers from the books...i know i'm weird...but its a nice invention these e-readers...they are convenient and saves paper...but i feel like it takes away the purpose of a book...i personally kind of want to buy the e-reader cause its easy to read on a train or bus...but i also want to buy the books...i know there is no point in that but still...i guess cause i want the best of both worlds...so yeah...so yesterday i started reading my first novel after a long time...and damn i felt so off...i guess because i haven't read anything outside of school related...that when i was staring at the words as i read along....it had a story...and not facts..lolz...but yeah...i read the Short second life of bree tanner by stephanie meyer...it was a nice story...it did kind of give you a perspective of a newborn...and what they went through before the attack...seeing that the movie is coming i think i have a new take on the newbies who are coming to attack...but yeah...it was a really short book...so i finished it and started reading the heart of the matter...i love emily giffin's book...something about her books are so homely...i don't know...but i just like how she writes and her stories a bit different...and i guess its easy to relate to the characters because she writes it like that...but yeah...honestly i bought this book because i have all her other books...this book wasn't all that appealing when i read the back of the book...however i knew that she wouldn't let me down...and just like that i started reading the book...i already got swept into it...because it was different...and i'm wondering all the possibilities of what this story is going to bring because i'm online like 20 pages in...but i'm so excited...i swear books are amazing...it takes you to another world...and you get you escape your reality and see through the eyes of someone else...so tomorrow is true blood...hmm can't wait...it ended of at a good note last week...i hate that i have to start waiting on it each week...so i started dexter its a bit slow right now...my friends said it picks up the pace later on...but yeah..its about an undercover serial killer....and how he fakes his life and kills at nice...its pretty cool...and you learn a lot about blood its pretty cool...but what makes me wonder is though that...shows like this would help a real serial killer...i mean if i was to be a serial killer...not that i have any intention...watching shows like this would help me commit the perfect crime...and this is like one of the many shows out there....its funny how America creates its own destruction...and then wonders how come they have crime rate and serial killers and what not...but yeah...damn i have work tomorrow...i need to find another job asap...and start saving money...but yeah...hmmm this week is another exciting week...i got eclipse coming out and i'm going to cirque du soleil...so i'm really excited...this is my second cirque du soleil...and plenty more to come...lolz...anyways i think i expressed a lot of my thoughts....oh yeah one more thing...PLEASE GOD LET GERMANY WIN TOMORROW AGAINST ENGLAND!!!....

Vampires

So i'm officially done school for two months...now i'm just bumming around...so i started to watch true blood...its a sick series...if you like vampires that is...i'm totally hung over this character from True blood

This guy is amazing...he is kinda the bad guy but damn he is hot in the show...this guy doesn't even have to open his mouth much and everything will be done for him...the power he holds...its amazing...he totally is a turn on!!...so when i was googling him...i found out he was in the video of paparazzi by lady gaga...it was kinda odd but yeah he wasn't all that great looking in that video...but yeah...now i caught up to the show...so now i have to watch every week...damn it...lolz i am actually thinking of reading the series...just to see where this is all going...hmmm i love reading the books...this series is more to the norm of what vampires are depicted to be...like from the olden days...before twilight came into place ...saying that if they hit sunlight they glitter...and that they don't sleep at all...or vampire diaries where they have a ring to help them not burn in the sun...i mean its nice to know that there are difference types of vampires...but just gotta love the classic vampires before all these new "upgraded" versions came along...but yeah anyways moving along lolz...so i got my autograph from drake yesterday...damn his smile in person is so amazing he is cute...i really wished i was able to get the tickets for maroon five autograph from their concert...that would of been nice...it would be pretty sick but yeah...i really wished i was able to go to the concert in detroit i think in sept with eminem and jay Z that would be really nice...damn it kinda sucks that i have such strict parents that wont just let me get up and leave....cuz fuck its rare to see eminem on stage...and i really want to see him on stage...damn it...oh well life is unfair....i got eminem's album and damn its pretty sick still...listening to all these rap songs and their language is sinking into my skin...lolz using words i usually would know use hahah...feel to gangster for this...i'm a business student...now imagine me using words from the urban language...thats funny still...but yeah...hmm life with that guy its blah...its so off that i don't know even know what to say...whatever...i'm just going to let it be...make no situation out of it...if something to happen then it will...i mean we been friends for 4 years...over msn :S then whatever....and plus i know i would try to change him because there is alot of things i want him to change...and i don't want to change someone to fit what i want...so yeah...hmm but yeah oh well....i have a slight tummy ache going to go lie down ....

i'm just a boi!

hmm to start this blog off...OMG I WAS THE LAST 12 PPL OUT OF 500 TO GET A PASS TO DRAKE'S AUTOGRAPH SESSION...HOW FUKKING LUCKY CAN I GET...MAN I NEVER THOUGHT SOMETHING LIKE THIS WILL HAPPEN TO ME LOLZ....now that i'm done with that...lolz...so the guy i have a crush on was texting me today...like he said he would yesterday..to some degree i was kind of happy...but something just felt wrong...maybe that he is trying...i don't know...my friend who know the situation was telling me that i should really tell him how i feel...and after that i would be free from feeling so trapped with my feelings...and what she said was right...and so i decided to tell him...but i realized something seem uncomfortable...i told him i was on phone and he asked me who i was on the phone with...mind you he doesn't know any of my friends...but to take some consideration to ask me...made me feel uncomfortable like he was asking something private to me...i know i have a weird personality...and he did it again when i told him i went to the movies...he asked me who i went with...it was like...why ask if you don't know who i went with...if i was to tell you who i went with...does it really make a difference in your life...like ask if you know who my friends are...but you don't so whats your intension...hmmm...it was awkward...and thats when it hit me...if he is already asking questions like this...it already starting to feel something like a relationship...so if i was to tell him i like him...then it would be even more questions...i know i'm assuming but i can't help it...hmmm...so today when i came home...and we started talking on msn...we just were talking about random stuff...and he was going to bed and said he'll txt me tomorrow which was fine...and i was like for a person who doesn't care for girls..[[a line he previously told me]]...your txting me ....and i laughed...and he said i'm not a girl...and i was like wdf...and he was like not in that sense but that i'm a boi...like his friend in a guy version!...i guess thats what i wanted to hear all this time...i think i got my answer without even needing to make a fool of myself....or he knew...and he said it so i can back of...hmmm which ever way it works...i think i got the answer i needed...i'm just looked as a boi in his life...he knew i got annoyed and started telling he was getting kidding and etc...but it was obvious that he meant what he said...and it was cool...yes i'm annoyed...but i think this is what i needed...i think i can honestly move away....now...before he left he wanted me not to be mad cause he thinks he knows me well enough to know when i'm mad...but yeah and how he doesn't get why i am mad...which is another give away...that what he said was what he meant...hmmm what a day...from drake to a sour ending...everything is meant to happen...and i guess this is how this is suppose to happen...and its a matter of time...before i can just fully let go...but i think i'm 3/4 there....hmmm anyways i'm off to bed...dead tired and i have to study for my exam 2moro...

passionate

i hate people who do things that they aren't passionate about....argh i'm so annoyed right now...its like wdf...as much as i love my cousin off...its like really...as everyone by now who reads my blog know...i'm a eminem hard core fan...i love him to death....and my cousin who isn't a fan at all...well maybe a fan but not like me...she just listens to his music...is throwing a bbq party in honor of his cd release...like WDF....she doesn't even have one album of his....or ever talks about him...or anything...and here she is throwing a party for him...after all these years of his album releases...like really....like people who are passionate about something or someone should be doing that...not some one who half likes him do that...like fuck :@.........that ruined my mood...damn my mood swings

books

to start on a good note....i did really amazing on midterm for this course that i was doing for a week...so i'm really proud...i think this summer might actually turn out to be a good semester...however my other course i'm kind of struggling in so hmmm...not a good thing...i can't wait to finish school and just start looking for a job and start saving up money...there is so much stuff i need to save for...it really isn't funny...i hate how the wants we want is like over and above the amount of money i have...its like no matter how much i work ....it really isn't enough...yeah yeah i know...if i control my wants i wouldn't have to go over my amount of my money...but its difficult....although i have a lot of wants...i don't go and spend...i just sit there and mourn over the fact i can't have it...at least just not yet lolz...eventually down the line i would have enough money to spend on the stuff i want...without having to worry so much....my double degree better help me for something lolz...hahah...i need to buy novels...with school i never get a chance to read just like how that book in my blog has been there forever lolz...i ain't even reading that book lolz...i have about three books that i want to read...so once i'm done school...i'm going to buy it and just sit there and read and enjoy it...i love books...and its sad cause i don't like going to library i love buying books...i love fresh books and the smell...it kind of sucks that the e-reader is coming into place...i mean its really nice and easy convenient but it takes away the notion of a book....i hate how technology is taking away the small simple pleasure of what life has to offer...like everything is becoming electronic....i'm really hating on the future...i want some things to be just real...and not fake...but hey it ain't in my hands....i just hope to be out of this world...when technology ruins this world...hmmm....anyways i should get back to studying

Day 1

Its my first day i guess you can say from me taking some time to myself to think some things through...and damn there is so much that is going through my head...so many thoughts that i cant even keep track of...its like i say i miss him then i would be like he ain't worth it...its like what i feel battling the reality of the situation...hmmm which side will win...i don't know...i guess time will tell...but i swear i feel like shit...i swear i hate feeling this way...i guess this is why i avoided this entire relationship and feelings shit...cause its just so much stress and such a distraction...cause your imagination goes kind of all over the place...with all these what if scenarios...and its like fuck man...i liked thinking of my life...for myself...with no one it...at least for the time being...my friend at work was asking me what my plans were after i graduate...which isn't for a while but i was like i don't know...but find a job further away from this place where i can live on my own and just be by myself...and learn how it is to be on my own...to see the responsibilities that it comes...because i'm the only child...i have everything done for me...my parents take care of so much stuff...don't get me wrong i work hard for many stuff in my life...ever since i started working i never relied on my parents for money...only i would know how hard i work for my money...i can already feel myself if i was to have kids be like work hard for your money and go with the dialog "back in my days...."...oh boy...but yeah and i work hard for my marks...i know i can work even harder for my marks...but something is missing inside of me that it kinda prevents me from going the full notch...hmmm...i don't now its kinda screwed up...but i really do need to start putting everything i got to get the marks i deserve...cause i know i can be smart...and i know i'm smart...so i shouldn't sell myself short...anyways back to my reading...i start my intensive course tomorrow where i finish one course in one week :|....

love of my life

EMINEM is truly my love of my life...a person i admire and love from a distance...he makes me smile through every single problem i go through...thats ironic...but he just seems to know how to put words together that no one can do...he has such motivational songs...that when your upset....will make you get back up and prove something to yourself....his new song NOT AFRAID...is so fukking amazing...everytime i listen to it...my blood rushes...i know that sounds corny...but i love him passionately...he has gone through so much...but he is still standing...he is still fighting the world...one vs millions..especially for someone like him...cause he is a celebrity...its tough being a celebrity...i mean everyone goes into that business for the money now...show some skin for girls...for guys talk about money and "whores" and then boom your a celebrity...everyone can suddenly sing and act...there is no border to this industry...but then you look at rappers like EMINEM....someone who entered the industry to show his talent....and look how far he has gotten...raising three kids and living his career....and no one has the talent he has in writing his lyrics...man i can just sit here and talk about him all day....i just can't wait for his album to come out...now to my life...life at home is getting better...to think i faced so much crap in my family and faced it all on my own i'm proud of myself...it was weird cause i was talking to my manager and she was telling me how she has been crying cause she is on her period and how emotional she is right now...and i was like i don't even remember when i last cried...and she during your family stuff...cause she knew about it...and i was like through out all that i went through i did not shred one tear...and she like seriously and i was like and she was like thats not good for you...and i was like i know...its sad how i became so cold...i can't seem to cry no more...i mean i see the tears and i feel the tears but ...it never comes out of me though...its weird...the only reason i know it ain't completely bad that i don't cry is that i express myself in my personal diary that i write...so i know i'm expressing my emotions somewhere...it ain't like i'm completely compressing my feelings....but right now i'm just completely bummed about this guy...a guy that at the end of the day ain't worth my time...why i'm hooked on to him...i have no clue....i know i can move and...cuz i can feel it...but why i don't move on i don't know...maybe i like the attention...the drama...maybe there is other reasons that i can seem to figure out...but this dude is like totally taking a toll at me...and i want to feel free again...feel like there is nothing holding me back...so i decided that i'm going to take a break from him...just for a while...to think things through...to figure out what i truly want from this situation....to figure what i want from him....cause clearly there is something...i do sometimes wish i had a place of my own...so i can be alone...to be with my thoughts...its funny how most people like to be surrounded by people when they feel bummed...or most people don't like being alone...i'm the straight opposite...i enjoy all the time i get to myself...i like being alone...it gives me the freedom to appreciate myself and only myself...i know i sound so dark and lonely...but hey i guess only i would understand what i am trying to say...don't get me wrong i enjoy company...but i like my alone time more though...lolz...anyways i better get back to my reading...i got alot to catch up on...

NOT AFRAID

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Intro)

Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

(Verse 1)

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts don't try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he's still shit and
Whether he's on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shit's his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he's got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the universe

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Verse 2)
Ok quit playin' with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last Relapse CD was "ehhhh"
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground

Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain't playin' around
There's a game called circle and I don't know how
I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud's still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Bridge)

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

(Verse 3)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
To focus soley on handling my responsibility's as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldn't lift a single shingle lonely
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Put a ??? and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

(Hook)

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

~EMINEM~