Day 1

Its my first day i guess you can say from me taking some time to myself to think some things through...and damn there is so much that is going through my head...so many thoughts that i cant even keep track of...its like i say i miss him then i would be like he ain't worth it...its like what i feel battling the reality of the situation...hmmm which side will win...i don't know...i guess time will tell...but i swear i feel like shit...i swear i hate feeling this way...i guess this is why i avoided this entire relationship and feelings shit...cause its just so much stress and such a distraction...cause your imagination goes kind of all over the place...with all these what if scenarios...and its like fuck man...i liked thinking of my life...for myself...with no one it...at least for the time being...my friend at work was asking me what my plans were after i graduate...which isn't for a while but i was like i don't know...but find a job further away from this place where i can live on my own and just be by myself...and learn how it is to be on my own...to see the responsibilities that it comes...because i'm the only child...i have everything done for me...my parents take care of so much stuff...don't get me wrong i work hard for many stuff in my life...ever since i started working i never relied on my parents for money...only i would know how hard i work for my money...i can already feel myself if i was to have kids be like work hard for your money and go with the dialog "back in my days...."...oh boy...but yeah and i work hard for my marks...i know i can work even harder for my marks...but something is missing inside of me that it kinda prevents me from going the full notch...hmmm...i don't now its kinda screwed up...but i really do need to start putting everything i got to get the marks i deserve...cause i know i can be smart...and i know i'm smart...so i shouldn't sell myself short...anyways back to my reading...i start my intensive course tomorrow where i finish one course in one week :|....