2 30Am and I can't sleep..well I probably can sleep if I put my head on the pillow but I don't want to and this is weird feeling usually when I'm depressed or upset I tend only want to sleep and nothing else right now I don't want do nothing but just want to stay up I'm sick of this life sick of the choices that we make...at the end of all this... I decided to like him... I decided that i wanted something with him...and now I'm facing the consequences something I wonder why I decided to go through with I know ppl say you can't help it u just fall in love but I still feel as though no matter what u still get to decide whether u want to give your heart to him or not and fuck me I decided and now that I decided now I'm suffering I know I never met him and I know what we have or had god knows is real or not but at the end of the day the words we shared...stands so fukking strong in my head I can recall everything and that's very frustrating I hate how this turned out for me I know I did bad in my life but i try my best to the best I can do the good I can but I guess my sins are higher then the amount of good I did fuck! Damn I was doing so good all these years I know what I wanted and now I'm distracted and that's fucked and now I'm more then ever determined to have that accomplished independent life and thats all I want...I want my degree and find that job and have my own life and just prove to myself and others that as a woman I can live on my own and have a luxury life that many feel as though can only be done with an accompany I just want to show that isn't true...ppl might feel that I'm bitter and lonely but the truth isn't that I'm probably one of those ppl who love being around couples and watching romantic movies and reading them...but i feel as though me being independent is probably the best bet for me until i know i can stand a chance in a "real" relationship...right now i don't think i'm capable...