love of my life

EMINEM is truly my love of my life...a person i admire and love from a distance...he makes me smile through every single problem i go through...thats ironic...but he just seems to know how to put words together that no one can do...he has such motivational songs...that when your upset....will make you get back up and prove something to yourself....his new song NOT AFRAID...is so fukking amazing...everytime i listen to it...my blood rushes...i know that sounds corny...but i love him passionately...he has gone through so much...but he is still standing...he is still fighting the world...one vs millions..especially for someone like him...cause he is a celebrity...its tough being a celebrity...i mean everyone goes into that business for the money now...show some skin for girls...for guys talk about money and "whores" and then boom your a celebrity...everyone can suddenly sing and act...there is no border to this industry...but then you look at rappers like EMINEM....someone who entered the industry to show his talent....and look how far he has gotten...raising three kids and living his career....and no one has the talent he has in writing his lyrics...man i can just sit here and talk about him all day....i just can't wait for his album to come out...now to my life...life at home is getting better...to think i faced so much crap in my family and faced it all on my own i'm proud of myself...it was weird cause i was talking to my manager and she was telling me how she has been crying cause she is on her period and how emotional she is right now...and i was like i don't even remember when i last cried...and she during your family stuff...cause she knew about it...and i was like through out all that i went through i did not shred one tear...and she like seriously and i was like and she was like thats not good for you...and i was like i know...its sad how i became so cold...i can't seem to cry no more...i mean i see the tears and i feel the tears but ...it never comes out of me though...its weird...the only reason i know it ain't completely bad that i don't cry is that i express myself in my personal diary that i write...so i know i'm expressing my emotions somewhere...it ain't like i'm completely compressing my feelings....but right now i'm just completely bummed about this guy...a guy that at the end of the day ain't worth my time...why i'm hooked on to him...i have no clue....i know i can move and...cuz i can feel it...but why i don't move on i don't know...maybe i like the attention...the drama...maybe there is other reasons that i can seem to figure out...but this dude is like totally taking a toll at me...and i want to feel free again...feel like there is nothing holding me back...so i decided that i'm going to take a break from him...just for a while...to think things through...to figure out what i truly want from this situation....to figure what i want from him....cause clearly there is something...i do sometimes wish i had a place of my own...so i can be alone...to be with my thoughts...its funny how most people like to be surrounded by people when they feel bummed...or most people don't like being alone...i'm the straight opposite...i enjoy all the time i get to myself...i like being alone...it gives me the freedom to appreciate myself and only myself...i know i sound so dark and lonely...but hey i guess only i would understand what i am trying to say...don't get me wrong i enjoy company...but i like my alone time more though...lolz...anyways i better get back to my reading...i got alot to catch up on...