Blurry

Life just doesn't feel the same...it just seems so different...and i don't know if its me or if its just things around me...but at the heart of it all i guess my vision is just blurry...with everything going by so fast around me i just can't seem to stand still and capture one thing...because at one glance i need to take in as much as possible because at the second glance i need to capture everything that is different from the first glance...i don't even know if i make sense in what i am saying...but i'm saying something...my life seems so dull...so empty...so unreal...everything just seems to be so out of place and uncomfortable...i almost feel uncomfortable to be in my own skin...i don't even know how to explain what i feel...it just seems so off...i just want to start all over...i mean most people wont get what i'm going through...because to the eyes everyone my life seems normal...i got my parents who love me...i have a beautiful home over my head....and i have school....which i'm doing pretty good in...i have great friends who have been with me through thick and thin...and i have social friends who i can hang out with...so really what more is that i need...and to answer that question i don't know...and no it ain't that special "love" from that special "someone" because i took that route...at least half way through and i realized that it isn't for me...because i'm not ready for that kind of commitment...and nor am i ready to babysit someone either...so then what is that i want...what is that is making my life seem so dull...what is that is making me feel as though something isn't right in my life...maybe i'm just making this feeling up...because i ain't happy with something...but is it that i ain't happy about...when everything is as normal as it gets...what is that i'm seeking for...damn it i hate it how i'm doing this to myself...everyday its the shit of life...wake up...go to school...go to work....do hwk....do something but nothing is ever different...nothing ever feels normal deep inside...nothing ever seems at peace...why?????....i wanted to get a tattoo...this month...but i came to he realization i'm shit broke...most of my money this month is going to pay of my visa...and then to the textbooks for school...after that i have a million other things that i need purchase for the month like tickets...and food and god knows what else...then i have my trip next month that i need money for...so i need to put aside money for that...and next month i'm only working for one day of the week...just because i have school on sat...so now its like blahh...cuz damn it that is my only source of income...what is that i can do....maybe i'm just thinking to much about life...i'm in university...i should chill out and just take life as it goes...instead of thinking to much and complicate my life unnecessary...hmmm anyways back to homework!