21st floor

So..its the new year...they say every year is a fresh start and you get to start all over again..but the truth is that you can never start over...you can only start fresh for the year...as in do something new...do something different from previous years...our life is like a building when we are born we create the foundation of the building...each year after that is the floor of the the building...so i'm going to be building my 21st floor this year...[[yes now you know my age]]...what this floor holds i have no idea...how i'm going to decorate this floor is the surprise of this year...but from a year from now i would be able to tell you how decorated it...my 20th floor was alright...i finished it well in the education department...however i didn't do so well in the love department...not like i have a big department for it...i still remember it was my 19th floor that he came out of jail...and it was my 20th floor that i had to deal with him...to look back and see how much endured with this guy over the last year is so sad...to think i invested this much time into a guy i don't know ....and for a guy who barely spent any time with me either...well i have to give him credit for summer...because for about 4 months we talked everyday...with casual missing days...but then it died out...and now i don't even know where i am no more...but i do know that it ain't the same no more...it just doesn't feel like it use....and mentioned it to him and i told him i'm drifting away...and he was so convincing on how he will fix it and how he doesn't want to lose me...but at the end of the days its just all through words...he can't even commit through the words he speak let alone act it out...my manager wishes me for the new year by wishing me to find true love...as soft and nice it sounds...the truth that i'm going to find it is pretty slim...i know i'm to young to say that i give up on my love life...and i know i'm partially to blame in the sense that i don't go out and socialize for me to actually find a guy...nor do i ever try to impress the guys when i go out...in my eyes as long as i look decent...in the sense that i'm clean and smell good...and look presentable...i really don't care...i mean there are girls who go out of there way to look so wonderful and beautiful...and at the end of the day they get the guys...and people like are just a invisible...its like i can walk by the guys and they wont see me...instead the probably look through me and look at beautiful girl right behind me...lolz i really can't complain either because i don't try..maybe if i try...i may come on the radar...the outer radar of course...but at least on the radar...is it not just so sad that in a girl's life...being looked upon by guys makes or breaks her self-esteem...i mean every girl would be like oh guys don't matter...who cares what guys think...i don't have to dress to impress them...but at the end of the day...when a guy does look at that girl...deep very deep inside there is this satisfaction...this boost of self-confidence inside them...and thats in every single girl who go for the opposite sex...and this concept works for homosexual as well only difference its the same sex rather than the opposite...hmmm my life goal is to be those powerful woman in a company that everyone looks up to...they would look at me in the sense of...wow she is an independent strong confident woman...who knows how to deal with life in the sense of work...but will i accomplish that? i wouldn't know...maybe i would get married and never get that opportunity...or maybe i will...but at the cost of something really important like love...who knows...i just know that before i get married i need my own savings account...that i can rely on...just for whatever my life holds for me...i learned to earn my own money...because i put my sweat to into each dollar i earn and i do not want to give that up to someone who just walks into my life...there are just some mistakes i learned from other's relationship...and one of which is to have your own savings account...just for emergency...you'll be surprised how helpful it will become in the future...some of the goals i want to accomplish for this year is

1) get some volunteer hours

2) start saving money for myself

3) start saving money for my friend's wedding :| [life has finally come to the point that my friends are getting married or starting to plan there weddings...but i haven't even been in one relationship :|...talk about a SAD PATHETIC life..]

4) pamper myself when needed

5) look somewhat respectable to be on the radar of those men

6) meet a potential NEW guy in my life [[it would be a bonus if he's white :p]]

7) Excel in my education [[standard goal of each year]]

8) look for a job [[maybe...its not a must but it would be nice]]

9) try to be more organized [[in many different departments]]

10) Learn more about fashion [[subscribe to a good fashion magazine...]]

it would be amazing if i could accomplish all of this by the end of the year...but even if i can accomplish one of these 10 goals i think i would be happy...but i shouldn't put myself down that low...i should strive to achieve all 10...however 6 would be really an accomplishment...haha...to think that my friends consider dating sites for me makes me feel so Sad...its like those women who have such busy life that don't have social life...and that ain't even my case...there is just so much to do now...i have a year and a half left before i enter the real world...hopefully with God's blessing i find a really good job some where in this nation...and start my life...i really hope that i get everything i struggled for in school to get...